Drago’s orchid

It has come time to stop journaling the woes and mishaps of my life for everyone else to drown in my misery.  Master Drago has been amazing but our worlds have put us on an endless journey that doesn’t seem to include each other and after almost 2.5 months of not seeing each other, I have found that I am truly not cut out for any of this lifestyle.  It seems, and it has been pointed out to me several times, that my inability to bring the walls down from my past and bringing it into my future have prevented me from finding solace in ‘letting go’ and to be honest, don’t see the point in keeping my journal entries up.  Yes, it is an outlet, but truthfully why have vanilla writings in a lifestyle journal?

It seems my issues (read subscriptions) are deeper than I care to admit and truthfully… see no end to it without some help….Can’t afford professional and well, the help I seek just doesn’t seem to run rampant in this town … So for now… toodles to my readers and a huge thanks to my friends and a Master in my heart, R……. I will always love you.

I have had little motivation to work, write, or focus on things lately. A few days ago it was a full moon and we are on the down side of things, so I would have thought that things would be looking up for me and business but it seems that my lack of concentration has brought me a great deal wrong. One particular client is not liking what I have provided in the way of a site, and because of that, I am a bit perturbed…another has not responded to a couple of requests, and others … well, just so much going on and not enough money or ambition on my part to work.

For the most part, my motivation has been consumed by frustration and so much more… I just wish that things were so much different.

Those types of letters are so hard to get, and sometimes, I expect them.  I did get one… and one that was already known I was going to get.  When I was promised a call and didn’t get one, or even the idea that I would hear from him in some shape or form, and then it doesn’t happen, my friends were wrong this time….  I DID have a reason to panic.  His letter was a lie. I read through it several times, and the explanation doesn’t even begin to make me feel like he was sincere. So heres to you G…. FUCK OFF.  Enjoy whatever karma comes your way.

Seems that the only one who has followed through with everything he has said he was going to do was Master.  “B” is still interested, but I have somewhat burned that bridge, and I am not sure I am ready to get attached nor am I wanting to start that mess again.  We are looking for two different thing.

Stick a fork in me… I am done…………………..

My day has been consumed by insecurities, more than there should be. I should have trusted that “G” would contact me when he had a moment, and He did. Two of my closest friends gave me a tongue lashing (and not in a good way) stating that there was probably a good reason why he hadn’t contact me. With my migraine blazing this afternoon and after 2 days of it, I finally broke down and cried a little because of the pain. Nothing was helping it. My husband rubbed my temples for me for a little bit attempting to pull some of the pain, but I finally had to ignore it and get up and move. I finished a big dent of my laundry and waited for “G” to call. He still hasn’t, but I did get a two sentence email that put my fears aside. I think I stressed myself into the headache, or at least that was part of it. After I heard from him I felt it subside a bit and just went on about my day. I was hoping that Tuesday I was going to get to see him, but after today, I imagine that it might have to wait until Wednesday. I am ok with that… just means that he will have a few of his busy days behind him and won’t have much to worry about while we are together.

I am anxious to find out what he has in store. I have no expectations that he has of me yet, and so with that I am sure I will hear about what he expects from me. Meanwhile, I had sent several emails today in hopes that he understood my anxiousness and that this is so new and good that I couldn’t help but stress over the fact that I may have done something wrong or that he may have changed his mind…

Needless to say it seems as if I have major insecurities that I need to get over, but I know that will come with time and consistency with him.

I got to speak with Master last night and he seems good. I still miss his quirky sense of humor and hanging with him. There isn’t much I don’t miss about him. I am, without a doubt, very close to him. Otherwise he wouldn’t continue to call and check on me nor would I worry about him. He has played a big part of my life the last 6 months and even though most of that has been on a very plutonic basis I am still very attracted to him on a level that is what I felt with my ex before I got involved with him.

Although my day wasn’t completely at a loss… we (my biz partner and I) were informed that one of the two (the cheaper) Merchant Services rejected us for our content of our sites (some of which include bondage). The part that pisses us off at this point is the fact that they KNEW that before they submitted it and yet they trailed us on to hope that we would be approved. So with that in mind, we have only one other alternative. We will be down a few more weeks, but it does seem that this will be the better bet. So… continuing on, we are still working on other items….

Saturday was my second date with “G.”  His first suggestion to go to a local tourist hot spot was not necessarily my first pick of choice, only because I didn’t want to hit a panic attack on the second date with him.

We had dinner at a sweet Mexican restaurant around the corner from the house, where I watched him and his great appetite gulf down a huge burrito, while I, had problems picking through my chicken breast dinner only because I was more occupied with talking, staring and learning more about him.  He didn’t seem to be the one to want to linger over a drink afterwards, so we left immediately after eating and with a quick swat on the butt, we were out the door.

We arrived just in time to see the first ’show’ that was opening there, and then shortly afterwards, watched an amazing “Pipe & Drum” core march their way through the middle of the street area.  I had first row placement and it was exilerating to watch my heritage go marching past me.  It send goosebumps down my spine and almost sent me to tears of joy.  There is nothing more powerful than hearing some good pipes, felled with the back up of some kidney pumping drums.

We stood and held on to each other for a bit while we watched the local tribute band show off some of their stuff.  After a bit he suggested that we go inside and get a drink.  We sat at the bar while I sipped on a margarita and he had a couple of them as well.  He is pretty good at teasing and tormenting me and I spent a great deal of the evening feeling like I was ready to explode.

As we walked back to the car, you could see his mind racing.  I know he wanted to find a quiet place to sit and talk, but in this area, it just wasn’t going to happen. When we did arrive at the car, he drug me to the back door on the drivers side, where I was tossed into the back and then he joined me, where we had a chance to sit and talk…. trust me, we wanted so much more, but like nervous teenagers (or responsible adults) we definately had to curb our appetites.  He suggested that I make sure that seeing him Tuesday or Wednesday this week was in order and as hard as I asked and pushed, he wouldn’t give me much more detail other than that.

The evening broke fairly early due to his sleep schedule.  He was pretty sleepy from being kept up the night before (I didn’t do it!) and so he dropped me at home about 10:30 or so.  He waited for me to get into the house and then slipped away.

The date was wonderful and we were able to learn more about each other on a more social standing than to ‘jump-into-the-sack’ type of situation.  As much as both of us wanted it, we were good and I think that will help the relationship emmenesly.

But for now, I have tons of work that needs to be done this morning… so off I go.

I have had my first doozey of the year.  I think it’s because of the dust and dirt that the wind storms that have been blowing for almost a week now has kicked up.  It’s not one of those mind bending ones that I can get, the ones that keep you from eating something because you are afraid that your stomach won’t be able to keep it down, but it definitely is a good one.  It’s hung around for several days now and after going to bed with it, woke up with it as well.  This certainly makes me want to take caffeine back up again.  Big time….

Master called yesterday and it does seem that he is reading here more than I thought he was able to.  He heard about my good date and since He really hadn’t read about Saturday’s date yet, I filled Him in.  His voice is quite comforting over the phone and even though it’s been months since I have seen Him, His voice is comforting.

I didn’t hear from “G” yesterday and so after attempting to call him a couple of times yesterday I can only sit and wait.  I decided I won’t call Him again until I hear from Him.   I am truthfully not one to beat a dead horse and if He has changed His mind, I do believe He would tell me.  Something tells me that He was working and preoccupied with getting things done in His office and/or maybe involved with watching His sports games.  Kind of sucks that I didn’t hear from Him, but I am truly hoping that He will call sometime today.  I don’t think that He is the flaky type, and that is only based on what I have seen the last few days.

Not much more to tell on my end.  I am a bit concerned about my biz partner as her marriage is constantly affecting her and her ability to concentrate (not to mention mine).  I adore her, and I want her out of there just as much as she does.  He WAS her Master, now he is just an asshole.  He has started drinking again, and after talking to her only briefly yesterday I have been sitting on pins and needles to talk to her.  I worry about her a great deal and I know things are just precarious there, so I am crossing my fingers and toes.

We hope to open our doors soon on our new business… but damn did we pick a bad time to do this.

When you least expect things to happen, i’s a BOOM… falls right in your fucking lap! BIG TIME…

I had a coffee date last night and truthfully felt that it would end like all the rest of them had, in parting ways where we felt there was no chemistry or connection and my guard would be as high as it has always been.

Two emails and a couple of phone calls and we made arrangements to meet at a local pub (not my normal meeting place as I almost felt as if I was getting a reputation there for the girl who is seen with a different guy each time she is in there.) I was a tad early but called him prior to leaving the house and he was on his way out the door.

The minute he hit the light, I saw a short stature and features that screamed Irishman. I was right. With Hazel eyes and reddish-brown hair, he sat down with a huge grin on his face and a light in his eyes that twinkled. I was hooked and was hoping he was too.

Three hours later, I was on the other side of the table enjoying good conversation, a tidbit of good food and some touching that left goose bumps down my arms and legs like I was standing in a blizzard. We eventually wore out our welcome there, so in order to preserve our rule of “No Play on First Date” rule, we stepped out into the parking lot where we stood for about another hour or so and enjoyed more serious discussion about our second date and our thought process on where we wanted to go with all of this.

Our second date is potentially scheduled for today… this evening. However, it is all pending on weather or not he purchases tickets to his favorite bands concert or weather he decides he would rather see me.

I am a bit consumed by everything that happened as well as the chemistry and comfort level… not to mention his bold outright honesty about everything. He seems extremely patient, and yet eager at the same time. Good self control and even though he states he is a bit sensual, I have a feeling that all changes behind closed doors. I look forward to learning more.

In the meantime, I feel that I will put my ads and profiles on hold and in turn will be informing the few others that had some interest in me that I am ‘tied’ up with other unexpected personal items and that my search is off for awhile. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings and yet I know at this time I wish to pursue this further.

I haven’t been quite myself lately.  More over, I feel like I am just going through the motions of life and finding it to only be enough to keep me waking up early to start my same routine over and over and over again.

I work early this morning and took an early morning stroll to Wally World to get some items I needed.  While in line to check out, I watched a man who was purchasing necessities and food for a family from a local company who has just laid off over 400 people. One of which, I heart, was a man who had been with them 16 years. I am sickened by the disheartening recession that we are ALL feeling and seeing.  The cashier explained that the increase of staple food purchases is definitely there, but anything else, sales are way down. I have to say that something better give soon or we are going to see an even ‘greater’ depression and you can thank GW Bush for his idiocy on that.  Personally, I wouldn’t want to be the candidate taking office next to clean up this mess.

As for myself, I found myself online with “B” last night but yet for some reason I am having a hard time bringing my guard down with him.  He seems to twist my words and use literal meanings of words instead of the combination of words used to get a definition of things.  For instance, the term “Alpha Sub” is what I have been called for years.  Meaning, and this is the way I have interpreted it, that in a grouping of subs or slaves, most of them look to me, or I tend to take a leadership role.  I am a leader in many ways and not just a blind follower.

It seems that he wants me to ‘lighten up’ and even though I tried diligently last night, there was absolutely no way of of letting my guard down.  I still have so much to learn about him, but at this point, I truly think that I am just too scared to identify with this yet and may just again take a stand-back-and-see point of view.  I know that I have said that several times, but if anything, I have found the gene pool getting smaller and smaller.

Master’s voice is missed.  Where we would talk every night now it’s down to every other night or longer now.  I keep writing in the journal as a way to help him keep in touch with me, but it seems that that’s all it’s doing at this point.  I had finally found someone I felt safe connecting to, and he is preoccupied with life’s tribulations and his seemingly unrelenting new-business challenges.  I am happy for him that he has something that is tangible, but lately that seems to be all we discuss is our business and not about ‘us.’  I am not sure what I am at this point and have not been formally released, but figure it will come soon.  I am not sure how I will feel about that, as for anything, we haven’t had a D/s relationship in quite sometime and so my thought process runs two extremes. One, that I will feel the jolt, but truthfully it isn’t much different than the last two months or so that we have been seperated, or two, that I will feel ungrounded, floating and lost once again.  I can’t hold any resentment to him for it… but I thought that things were going to come together.  I already feel as if I wine too much about life’s problems and have refrained from doing so when we talk.  He doesn’t push me, and I am ok with that too.  So I am torn.

I have turned off several of my profiles, and as of late, I am finding many men to be quite useless when it comes to holding a decent conversation.  If it’s not the lack of conversation it’s the lack of responsibility and obligation…and then of course there is the trust issue.

As it stands right now, most of them have disappeared from the planet, do not reply to emails, or IM’s and I am definitely not going to pursue them.  It’s not my style.

So based on what I know now, and where this journal had originally intended to be, a BDSM journey… it is now become quite the vanilla context.  Sorry to disappoint the readers (and yes, I DO see the numbers visiting daily), but at this point, what BDSM is in my life is quite the fantasy and it looks like it might just stay that way.

I got this from a friend of mine who found it from another friend… Just thought it had some good valid points, but also indicate which ones wont’ work well for me.

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These reminders can be subtle or really obtrusive. The more often a slave is reminded of her submission, the deeper it becomes….and the more fulfilling. So here are some ideas You might want to try… And no matter what rules You decide to make Your own, please….be consistent. If You are unwilling to take the time to enforce the rules You make, then there may as well be no rules at all. There is nothing in the world that will make a slave feel less loved than to have a Master/Mistress who ignores her transgressions and does not exert Their Dominance.

1. Have her wear slave bells. The constant soft jingling of the bells is soothing and a certain reminder of her submission.

*orchid*: I did this once way back when and loved it, but took them off because of family and the husband hating the mouth full of metal. I enjoyed hearing them.

2. When she has broken a rule, talk to her as You punish….and make her speak in detail about why what she did was wrong.

*orchid*: Yeah right… like i am going to be able to talk between sobs. i am harder on myself mentally than any Dom would be. i would just end up in bigger trouble for not being able to talk.

3. Make her take her shoes off every day as soon as she enters Your house.

*orchid*: Heck, I do this in my own home!

4. A beautiful, special collar will make any slave joyous. Take the time to select the right one, and have her wear it as often as possible.

*orchid*: I wore a special pendant that was given to me the first time I did this. We both wore the same pendant, bonding us… made me feel wonderful, but that was not the case during my second duration and since then, have not had a collar/pendant to wear. I miss it.

5. Have her call You each day at a specified time, no excuses.

*orchid*: Again, something that I enjoyed during my first relationship, but it didn’t continue through the others.
6. Give her anklets and tell her she must wear one of them every day, no excuses.

*orchid*: A wonderful idea, but hard to find dainty anklets or bracelets for someone of my size…

7. Whenever possible (i.e. no curious young-uns about), have her kneel before You and ask to accompany You upon the furniture.

*orchid*: Again, another thing that was given to me with my first Dom, but after that was never a standard/rule.

8. Choose her hairstyle and go with her to get it cut to Your specifications.

*orchid*: This wouldn’t ever happen. My hair is to my ass, and I treasure every inch of it while it thins over the years.

9. Whenever possible (i.e. no curious young-uns about), have her display herself whenever You come into the room…..legs spread, shirt unbuttoned. No matter what position You take, she is to be sure Your view is unobstructed

*orchid*: Clothing restrictions were ideal when my first Dom did not have everyone home, but i despised having to do that with someone trapsing through the house like his wife.

10. When around the kids or vanilla friends/family, make sure she has an alternative title for You besides Master…..such as “my Love” etc.

*orchid*: That’s a given.

11. Use her sexually in a rough, selfish way when You feel like it….interrupting whatever she was doing.

*orchid*: Gawd… a dream… but at the same time, never had it happen so not sure how I would react.

12. Chose a food that she dislikes and have her eat a small portion every day for a week.

*orchid*: I didn’t experience this but did watch it and the first time (and last time) I almost watched someone up-chuck at a public restaurant… not my way of fun.

13. Have her crawl to bed each night.

*orchid*: An experience that I have yet to have. For the most part, a nice idea.

14. Bring her a stuffed animal each time You go out of town. ~grin~

*orchid*: Truthfully, i would much prefer a simple flower (preferably an orchid) only because they don’t take up so much room. The collection can grow quite rapidly if you travel alot.

15. Choose her clothing each day.

*orchid*: Somtimes this is a good thing. But some days you just want sweats and a t-shirt and he wants heels and lingerie…yuck.

16. Have her get Your daily wardrobe ready for You the night before….laid out, ironed etc.

*orchid*: been there done that with own husband, not such a bad thing.

17. After punishment, have her kiss Your boots and thank You for loving her enough to correct her.

*orchid*: Who likes punishment? Not me.. but glad when it’s over.

18. Have her bring a warm towel and wash and massage Your feet each day after work.

*orchid*: I have always enjoyed this, even though in the past (childhood) it was my ‘job’ and i hated every moment of it. For the right man, I can overcome.

19. Get her tattooed (Your choice of art and location).

*orchid*: Unfortunately, due to limitations placed on me by the husband, the only tattoo I could get is one that is my choice of design and his approved… yet the idea that a Dom had loved me enough to do that for me would mean a constant reminder of him for the rest of my life.
20. Get her pierced (or preferably if You are trained, do it Yourself).

*orchid:* I am already pretty pierced, but wouldn’t mind more.

21. Get her branded.

*orchid*: I have never been branded, but definately wouldn’t mind trying it.

22. Respect, but push her limits.

*orchid*: OHHHH been there, done that…

23. Ask her each night what she did that day that You would not have approved of. *grin* This gets her in the habit of being completely honest, and also makes her conscious of the things she could do better each day.

*orchid*: Yeah, this would screw me too… I am way too honest for my own good.

24. Teach her exactly how You want her to kneel, and demand perfection.

*orchid*: Is there such thing as demanding perfection when there really isn’t such a thing? Isn’t that the same as setting up for failure?

25. Reward her by allowing her to please You sexually.

*orchid*: OH YEAH!

26. Supervise her workout routine.

*orchid*: Workout? What’s that?

27. Each night she is to kneel next to the bed asking permission to sleep with her Master, and each night she does, she is to kneel by the bed in the morning and thank her Master for the privilege.

*orchid*: would be wonderful if I had the chance to s pend the night with my Dom….

28. Have her polish Your boots weekly, on her knees at Your feet.

*orchid*: For the right man this might be nice.

29. Negotiate until you are both comfortable with the terms and then sign a contract.

*orchid*: This is definitely something that I have been dealing with alot of lately.

30. Giver her a writing assignment: “The definition of Pain - 1000 words”

*orchid*: The problem with this… who has the time for homework?

31. Have her keep a diary of her journey into submission.

*orchid*: I do this now, and find it a good place for myself now, and not just for the person I am serving.
32. Instruct her that she may never get herself something to eat or drink in Your presence without first asking You if You want something.

*orchid*: To me this is actually just being polite…

33. Some evenings, keep her on a leash and take her with You no matter what You do….even if You do not speak to her or include her in Your activities.

*orchid*: As long as this isn’t in public, this is ok, but then what would be the point?

34. When appropriate, she is to speak when spoken to.

*orchid*: Hard to keep my mouth shut… this would probably get me in trouble.

35. Reward her by giving her delicious pleasure.

*orchid*: I like this idea!

36. On occasion, share her.

*orchid*: Truthfully, the idea sounds fun, but in all honesty way too dangerous. A hard limit in my world.

37. When it suits You, instruct her not to make eye contact with You without Your command.

*orchid*: This has been implemented, and hard… but it’s been experienced.

38. Have her keep her body clean shaven at all times.

*orchid*: When I am with someone, I always do.

39. Conduct random inspections of her body to make sure she keeps herself to Your specifications.

*orchid*: Makes ya feel like a piece of property…but isn’t that the point? I am still dealing with that idea.

40. Make her wear a butt-plug under her clothes whenever she goes out alone.

*orchid*: As long as it’s small… but it’s been done… and it does affect you.

41. For transgressions: have her write Your name on the bottom of her foot and tell her to remember she is walking on You with each step. (This is harder to do that You might think….)

*orchid*: Sounds hard!

42. Master the art of the meaningful piercing stare…..

*orchid*: My first Dom had mastered that…but now it would have no affect on me.

43. Give her reading assignments.

*orchid*: I love to read…

44. Test her on the reading assignments, to make sure she learned the appropriate lessons from each.

*orchid*: Sometimes I see further into things than what others do. Would be fun to see what I find vs. what they want me to find.
45. Instruct her to keep her toenails painted perfectly everyday, and check to see that they are before bed

*orchid*: I have ‘dancer’ feet, and rarely keep my toenails painted. It drags attention to my feet, something I would prefer not to do.

46. Make it her responsibility to put the toys away after play and punishment, and to keep them clean and neat.

*orchid*: Something I hated doing right after a scene…hopefully it could wait until the next day…

47. Reward her by letting her name her favorite scene, toys, etc.

*orchid*: Floggers, floggers, single tail, bondage, floggers floggers…oh I said that already.

48. Call her Your slut, Your pet, etc.

*orchid*: I love pet names..

49. Have her make a list of the 10 things that make her the most self-conscious, uncomfortable or embarrassed.

*orchid*: Like I need to ad more to the arsenal that they already have…geesh.

50. Work with her, having her do the things on the list (if possible), so that she conquers those fears and hesitations.

*orchid*: 30 something years old and if I have conquered them yet, I ain’t gonna..lol

51. Sometimes, pamper her…..wash her body and hair, having her remain perfectly still as You turn her and move her about.

*orchid*: Never really been bathed like that, but have bathed many a Dom.

52. Hand feed her like a small child on occasion.

*orchid*: Different idea, not sure how I would react…

53. Have her eat from a dog bowl on occasion.

*orchid*: Ok, not TOO sure I would do this without some serious provocation.

54. For transgressions: make her wear a sign to the next public function naming her crime. (ouch)

*orchid*: OH HELL NO!

55. Praise her dedication when she has pleased You well.

*orchid*: I am good with this…!

56. Instruct her that she is never to touch Your body without permission.

*orchid*: This part sucks… or not.

57. Have her write a meditation about her submission, devotion and trust in You….to be said aloud each night before falling asleep.

*orchid*: Interesting idea.

58. Some days allow her no clothing whatsoever (when practical).

*orchid*: Been there and done this… only with collar, cuffs and shackles.

59. For transgressions: deny her play. No pain for you, bad girl….hehehe.

*orchid*: Ok, this hurts or doesn’t as it were.

60. In the same ilk, For transgressions: deny her orgasm…..give her sex, but she can’t cum.

*orchid*: This would ultimately impossible for me…cause i cum way too easily.

61. For transgressions: Command that she is to be silent for a week. She may not speak, and will take whatever pain or pleasure You give as silently as possible.

*orchid*: A week is FAR too long.

62. Treat her like a pet in front of friends, making her present herself, turn herself, etc.

*orchid*: A public venture like this is not something i can participate in.

63. Giver her a writing assignment: “The definition of Obedience - 1000 words”

*orchid*: Ugh, another writing assignment.

64. Have her wear a toe ring.

*orchid*: Already do!

65. Tell her one morning that she must cum for You 15 times that day, and then write about the day.

*orchid*: Not sure I am capable of this as mine are so intense that getting 15 of them out in a day would exhaust me.

66. Have her wear nipple clamps under her clothing out to dinner.

*orchid*: Not sure this is healthy to do for so long.  Wouldn’t this damage the nipple ?

67. On Your birthday, let her receive Your spankings.

*orchid*: As long as they are with a wet noodle.

68. Spend time training her how to move gracefully to please You.

*orchid*: How does a man train a woman to move gracefully?  They are so clumsy.

69. For transgressions: stand her in the corner like a 3 year old.

*orchid*: spent enough time in the corner as a 3 year old… not sure I wish to repeat it.

70. Always flog her after completion of a task, even if it was satisfactory. A well flogged slave is a happy slave.

*orchid*: Aint this the fucking truth!

71. Speak about her as if she were not present.

*orchid*: interesting….

72. For transgressions: deny her any D/s at all for a week…..letting her do just as she pleases, not allowing her to serve You in any way, no punishment, no instruction, no play, banning titles of respect, etc. This will shame her and certainly make her strive to please You when it is over and she is in her place again.

*orchid*: I do this now… why would I want this again?

73. Defend her honor to those who would disrespect Your prized possession.

*orchid*: My past has not shown me a great deal of this.  Maybe my future will?

74. Pet her often.

*orchid*: I would love this…

75. Make her be webMistress for Your huge site, DallasBDSM. hehehehe

*orchid*: I do this for a living now… what’s different about this? LOL

76. Whenever possible (i.e. no young-uns about), have her sleep in a cage.

*orchid*: hmmm… have to think on this one.

77. Buy her sexy or slutty clothes to Your liking.

*orchid*: sexy I will do, slutty… I am not.

78. Teach her things….expand her knowledge…..in a patient Fatherly way.

*orchid*: I love to learn.

79. When You are away, call her and have her masturbate for You.

*orchid*: *gulp* I so hate phone sex…. (for those of you who know me.. know too much on this subject!)

80. If You choose to play with others, make sure Your slave knows who is first in Your heart…..and that some things are just for her.

*orchid*: BIG item with me… make your promise and keep it.  Don’t break it as you break her heart just for a few seconds of pleasure. is it worth it?

81. Remember her birthday.

*orchid*: If I could remember it myself lol

82. Lead her with a loving fist in her hair.

*orchid*: Yummy!

83. Wake her each morning with an assigned task for the day…..and make sure it is done by day’s end.

*orchid*: Tasks are fun as long as they are reachable.

84. Teach her patience.

*orchid*: AND TEACH IT TO ME NOW!

85. Videotape Your sessions and watch them together.

*orchid*: OH HELL NO… AND DID I SAY HELL NO?!

86. On long trips, have her wear double dildo latex underwear.

*orchid*: Yuck latex

87. Hand feed her chocolate.

*orchid*: Dark chocolate preffered!

88. Have her place her regular wear shoes in a line by the front door. They should be in a straight line with the laces tucked inside, or the buckles buckled. Inspect them periodically.

*orchid*: I already do this  at home… *wink*

89. Keep a list of her transgressions in a little book….let her slip for a while…thinking You are not noticing…..then one day, bring out the book and have a day of atonement.

*orchid*: I will remember this….

90. Tickle her just because You can.

*orchid*: I hope he is cleaning up the mess afterwards.

91. Have her be perfectly still and quiet while You bring her extreme pleasure…..when she moves or makes a sound punish her then return to the pleasure.

*orchid*: Got rope?  better yet, got chain?!

92. Keep her locked in her collar when You are home. You place it on her…..having her kneel. Wear the key to the lock around Your neck.

*orchid*: Having a collar put on me was something I always enjoyed, but haven’t had the feeling in many years.

93. When possible, have her cook and serve Your dinner wearing nothing but an apron and collar.

*orchid*: I love getting to a mans belly!… the biggest soft spot

94. Buy her a Polaroid camera and give her assignments to take pictures of herself for You in certain outfits or positions, etc.

*orchid*: Ok, what part of NO Pics did we not understand LOL

95. Remember to kiss and caress away her tears.

*orchid*: something I yearn for almost daily.

96. Don’t be afraid to bring her to tears, for they are Yours as well.

*orchid*: Good point!

97. Take her and the dog to the park, both on leashes.

*orchid*: Um.. NO PUBLIC lol

98. Caress her, whisper into her ear that You love her, nibble on her belly, lick her thighs and make love to her until she cries.

*orchid*: VERY good point…

99. Have her fall asleep with Your cock in her mouth and tell her You expect it to be there when You awake.

*orchid*: I did this with a man once, or twice… well quite alot.  i enjoyed it to some extent, but never knew when he was awak, and never knew when i could move from there..

100. Occasionally, fulfill her fantasy.

*orchid*: Do I still have them?

101. Master’s word is the last word.

*orchid*: Not unless he is wrong… LOL

Murphy’s Law sure kicked in today…. but before I go into what happened today, I am kind of wanting to recapp my day yesterday with my date with “B.”

His phone calls had come as a bit of surprise the Friday before, and I was, to be honest, anxious to hear what he had to say.  To find out just what kind of a reaming his ex sub and friends had given him and why after 3 weeks of silence he felt it necessary to contact me to apologize and want to ’start over.’

Prior to picking me up he asked where i would like to go.  i was very hesitant to return to his place, but made sure that he knew that i saw where we were going with this.  i was very gun shy and i think he realized that immediately.  I popped into his truck and suggested a small biker bar up around the corner that had a small dining area.  His hand immediately went to my arm and said how much he had missed me.  I took it in stride and wanted to believe him as I could feel the sincerity, but again, my head won that battle and I kept up my guard.

We arrived where he started the story about some of the suggestions and such that he had been given by others in the state where he had practiced his ‘craft.’  After a brief over view of that, my first question to him was just HOW MUCH experience did he have before me…. Just slightly over a year….

NO WONDER!

He had figured it out and explained to me that he had taken me and expected me to start off where his last girl left off.  Even with my experience that was impossible, but he was inexperienced enough not to know that wasn’t what I could do despite how many years of experience I had.

I then followed up with my experience, which I DID do prior to meeting the first time, but it seems that he doesn’t retain alot of that information.  The paperwork he had brought me was that of a bdsm checklist (which I have completed so many times) as well as proper etiquette etc that I had a great deal of knowledge about already.  I think he felt a bit foolish about that but handed them to me anyway and I said I would read what he brought (just to take some of the ease off).

Part of the conversation then led to how he wants to handle this.  He wants me to sign a 30 day contract as a ’slave’ which I have repeatedly stated I AM NOT A SLAVE…at least not to anyone that would want that from me and knew what to do with it….

My difficult at this point was the idea that he wanted those from me.  First of all, a contract?  I have NEVER signed a contract to play.  Granted I probably should have in the past, but the only time a contract was ever brought up was my previous Dom 3 years ago when we were discussing a formal collar.  Of course it never happened.

After a few drinks of “Blackjack”, I felt a bit more open and not so guarded, and did state that we could return to his home.  My husband gave the ok, and we went to his place with not much on the agenda other than I would not have sex with him. He agreed and off we went.

“B” was very sweet and made sure that I was relaxed and started with a warm lotion rub down that relaxed me beyond belief.  I haven’t had one of those in a very long time. I left his place relaxed and with only some reservation in signing a contract for 30 days.  My reasons for reservation where:

1. Master never asked me for one, but can I sign a contract when I am still technically his?
2. Do I really believe that a contract is necessary to continue learning about each other and to jump into something so formal so quickly?
3. I have a few other gentleman who are inquiring and I don’t think I wish to commit to something like this until I have knowledge of all the ones that I know AREN’T and option….

Anyone have any input, suggestions or advice?  I see the numbers of readers on my blog and to be perfectly honest, it would be great to get some input from others who might see other ideas.

As for my day today… what could go wrong, did go wrong… except for one thing… My husband starts his new job tomorrow.  Thank the Goddess!

I had my good monitor blow on me today, and the money to get a new one didn’t come in the form it should have, so now I have to wait a few more days and deal with the POS monitors I have sitting here now.  They are difficult to see, and read, but they will do for now.  Our Biz Bank Account has been pointless as my biz partner doesn’t have the ability to do much of anything with it unless it’s pulling money out.  She can’t even deposit payments, which is quite frustrating and they should have told us that before we started.  She would have to deposit by mail and there is not point.  We are going to in turn look for another bank that might handle our account that she will have access to.  We are learning a hard way to get things done.

So for now, I have gotten little done in the office only because the picture quality on my monitors is making it difficult to see what I am working on.  I am finding myself wanting to work a bit more on Master’s picture and get that done for him.  I may have found a way to get some prints done and well, that is kind of exciting as I plan on selling some.